Deb : No. We're just friends. Kip : [Napoleon has Kip in a sleeper-hold] Ow! Ah geez! Napoleon Dynamite : What the crap was Uncle Rico doin' at my girlfriend's house? Kip : Napoleon, let go of me! I think you're bruisin' my neck meat! Napoleon Dynamite : Fine! Napoleon Dynamite : What the heck are you guys doin'? Tryin' to ruin my life and make me look like a freakin' idiot? Kip : I'm out makin' some sweet moola with Uncle Rico.
Geez, I think you ripped my mole off. Napoleon Dynamite : I did? Kip : Yeah, is it bleeding? Napoleon Dynamite : A little bit. Napoleon Dynamite : Lucky. Napoleon Dynamite : Ugh. Kip hasn't done flipping anything today! Napoleon Dynamite : Deb just called me. She pretty much hates me by now. Pedro : Why? Pedro : Do you have anything to give to her? Napoleon Dynamite : No.
Not unless she likes fish. Napoleon Dynamite : [speaking to Pedro and Deb] Are you guys having a killer time?
Deb : Yes. Napoleon Dynamite : Grandma just called and said you're supposed to go home. Uncle Rico : She didn't tell me anything. Napoleon Dynamite : Too bad, she said she doesn't want you here when she gets back because you've been ruining everybody's lives and eating all our steak. Uncle Rico : I'm not goin' anywhere, Napoleon.
Napoleon Dynamite : Get off my property! Uncle Rico : It's a free country. I can do whatever I want. Napoleon Dynamite : Get off my property or I'll call the cops on you. Uncle Rico : Well then do it! Go on! Pedro : Have you asked anybody yet? Napoleon Dynamite : No, but who would?
I don't even have any good skills. Pedro : What do you mean? Napoleon Dynamite : You know, like numchuku skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills! Pedro : Aren't you pretty good at drawing, like animals and warriors and stuff? Napoleon Dynamite : Yes Probably the best that I know of.
Pedro : Just draw a picture of the girl you want to take out Napoleon Dynamite : That's a pretty good idea. Napoleon Dynamite : So, we're pretty much friends by now, right? Pedro : Yes. Napoleon Dynamite : So, you got my back and everything, right? Pedro : What? Napoleon Dynamite : Never mind. Napoleon Dynamite : Well, I have all your equipment in my locker. You should probably come get it cause I can't fit my numchucks in there anymore.
Pedro : Did you draw her a picture? Napoleon Dynamite : Heck yes I did! Napoleon Dynamite : That one's good. It looks like a medieval warrior. Napoleon Dynamite : Hey, is that a new kid or something? Pedro : If I win, you can be my secretary or something.
Napoleon Dynamite : Sweet! Plus I could be your bodyguard, too. Or like, Secret Service Captain, or Napoleon Dynamite : My old girlfriend from Oklahoma was gonna fly out for the dance but she couldn't cause she's doing some modeling right now.
Napoleon Dynamite : See for yourself. Pedro : Wow. Napoleon Dynamite : Yeah, I took her to the mall to get some glamour shots for her birthday one year. Pedro : I like her bangs. Napoleon Dynamite : Me too. Napoleon Dynamite : Who are you? LaFawnduh : I'm LaFawnduh.
Napoleon Dynamite : What are you doing here? LaFawnduh : I'm waiting for Kip. Napoleon Dynamite : Kip? LaFawnduh : Why are you so sweaty? Napoleon Dynamite : I've been practicing. LaFawnduh : Mmmm. Practicing what?
Napoleon Dynamite : Some dance moves. LaFawnduh : You like dancing? Napoleon Dynamite : Pedro, how do you feel about that one? Pedro : It looks nice. Napoleon Dynamite : Yeah, it looks pretty sweet. It looks awesome. That suit, it's Pedro : Who was that?
Napoleon Dynamite : Trisha. Pedro : Who's she? Napoleon Dynamite : My woman I'm taking to the dance. Napoleon Dynamite : Heck yes I did. Kip : So are you ready? Napoleon Dynamite : Yeah, hold on I forgot to put in the crystals. Pedro : Well, what are you going to wear to the dance?
Napoleon Dynamite : Just like a silk shirt or something. One is featured in the movie and renamed Tina because, Hess says, "animals who are given girls' names end up very spoiled. For a while, [my mother] had a few goats. She told my dad, 'Tom, we are going to save a fortune on milk if we use this goat's milk for the boys. And my brothers were like, 'This is sick. This milk tastes like hay. Finally she went, 'They're not getting their calcium, let's go back to regular milk from the store.
Though Hess is a small-town guy, he's seen a lot of the world. Born in the Southwest, his family lived in Kansas, Texas and London before settling in Preston a few hours' drive due north of Salt Lake City when he was a sophomore in high school. As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, he did two years as a Mormon missionary, first in Venezuela and then in Chicago, where he met "an old Italian-American gentleman who introduced himself as Napoleon Dynamite.
Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills! We feel you, bro. Sign Up: Stay on top of the latest breaking film and TV news! Sign up for our Email Newsletters here. You will be redirected back to your article in seconds.
She's so offended by Kip's mediocre at best comment that she shoves her handy crafts into Napoleon's arms and runs away. However hurtful, Kip's lame retort is responsible for Napoleon and Deb becoming friends, so it's not all bad Way to flex in front of the new kid.
Napoleon is an overtly obvious, unpopular nerd, so it's puzzling why he concerns himself with trying to prove how cool he is. Up until this point, Napoleon seems pretty okay with his geekiness, but this quote is the first glimpse into his insecurity about being the "weird kid. It's highly unlikely the frizzy-haired geek clad in moon boots and MC Hammer pants could successfully wield a 6-foot tall staff made of red oak.
There's nothing worse than chapped lips and an unlawfully cruel brother who won't bring you the ointment you require. One of the most iconic lines of dialogue is during a phone conversation between Napoleon and Kip when Napoleon asks to go home because he "doesn't feel well. We've all pretended to be sick in hopes a trip to the nurse's office means going home early.
Napoleon marches to the beat of his own very poorly dressed drummer, and his struggle to fit in doesn't end in the schoolyard. On his best day, we find Napoleon's older brother Kip scouring internet chat rooms for women desperate enough to stomach his stale poetic ramblings.
But hey, what can you expect from a middle-aged grandma's boy who's only life goal is to master the art of cage fighting? How's that training coming along buddy?
Kip's intentions are innocuous, but one has to wonder if he was attempting to pull off an elaborate catfishing scam. Either way, the sibling rivalry between Napoleon and Kip is hilarious, and this quote is emblematic of just how frustrating and delusional big brothers can be. As if Napoleon didn't get exposed to enough mystery meat in the cafeteria, he has to go home and scoop unidentifiable helpings of goop to Tina, the family's llama.
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